So, a strong black woman requires a man who’s not intimidated by her beauty, education, money, influence or power. And he’s not scared to share his thoughts and feelings with her because he knows whatever he says will add value to her life. For any man who wants to step to Jill Scott (or any strong black woman) your life experiences and confidence must be a worthy complement to hers.
And you, sir, will have no role in her life. So how does a man win the heart of a strong black woman? He needs to do these three tips:
1. Have Your Stuff Together
You’ve got to have your stuff together or at least be close to getting it together. What I mean is, the bare minimums must be in place: job, residence and vehicle. You also must have some long-term goals and some valid short-term plans to reach them. Your faith must exist, and you must be pursuing it further. You’ve got to check these boxes to get on the radar of a strong black woman.
And notice, I didn’t say how much money you have to have. Yes, money is good. But a strong, independent black woman will have enough money to buy herself anything she wants.
2. Listen More Than You Talk
When a man is intimidated by a woman, he will likely try to go on an all-out, self-promotion campaign. He may think by constantly talking about himself and all the qualities she should love in him, he will validate himself in her eyes. But this strategy often backfires, making him look weak, egotistical, competitive or shallow. Instead, win her over not by your resume (which she’ll read into anyway), but by your genuine interest in her. And, of course, you only get to know more about her by listening to her.
The key to listening more than you talk is to find out:
what things are important to her
what are her fears and concerns
how do those fears and concerns influence her decision making
what does she like vs. love
what does she dislike vs. hate
what are her goals and how does she pursue them
how have her past relationships affected her expectations for future relationships
I could go on, but you get the picture.
3. Add Value to Her Life
From the information you gather listening, now you can add value to her life by helping, supporting and encouraging her in the areas of her interest. And you can use that same information in motivating, challenging and holding her accountable in the areas in which she struggles. Listen intently in order to identify where your life experiences and skillsets can add the most value. This way, when you talk, you are saying something of great value to her.
The tricky part about this is doing it without getting slammed in the “friend zone.” I’ve found if you maintain a little mysteriousness about yourself, it keeps her interested in wanting to find out more (hence, my second point about listening more). Also, do the unexpected. Say the unexpected. Be creative.
This combination of 1) having your stuff together, 2) listening more than you talk and 3) adding value, will give you the best chance to win the heart of a strong black woman.